the waiting room

Do you listen to Shane&Shane? I was listening to the song "Waiting Room" this morning and some of the lyrics really spoke to my heart.

Lord I know if I change my mind

You will change my heart in time

Sovereign Lord this time's from you

So I sit in the waiting room of silence

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There are big decisions that must be made.

 We want to follow the Lord's leading, but sometimes it is hard to decipher His still small voice from the desires of my own heart. 

Is my faith big enough to follow God's leading?

Source: etsy.com via Grace on Pinterest

Asking, seeking, listening for that still small voice, wishing it was more like a loud, booming thunder.

Is there anything that is keeping me from really hearing His voice?

I'm not holding hands with peace in this situation- yet.

Is it because it is not a desire of my heart [even though it might be the best thing right now] or is it the Lord saying, 

"Wait" 

"Trust Me"

Source: thesartorialist.blogspot.com via Grace on Pinterest

Renew my mind. Change my heart. Speak to me. 

Help me to think about such things, to hear your voice, and obey.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Romans 12:2

I know that the Lord is interested in our heart/intention. 

He is looking at our hearts, searching our innermost thoughts, our motives. 

Is He pleased with what He finds? 

Does He see a heart desiring to seek, hear, and obey HIM?

A heart of faith?

Faith, from which action springs.

Even in the waiting room of silence [or uncertainty]

I will fix my heart on Jesus.

The One who knows-

Who sees what we cannot-

The Author and Perfecter.

If we change/renew/fix our minds on the Lord

He will do the transforming/healing/renovating work in our hearts.

"Search me, God, and know my heart; 

   test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

 See if there is any offensive way in me, 

   and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:22-23

linking up with Minivan Diva here

On My Heart: My Heart.

Source: weheartit.com via Jana on Pinterest

Ba-boom, Ba-boom, Ba-boom

My heart.

My heart!

boomboomboomboomboomboomboomboomboomboomboom

Something was wrong with my heart.  It was not just speeding, it was going berzerk. 

pounding so hard, so fast, I thought it might just stop. 

STOP. 

It lasted 3-4 minutes, and then all of a sudden...

a jolt.

Ba-boom, Ba-boom, ba-boom....back to normal.

This happened to me on Wednesday morning. I was just going about my business and it just starting going. This is actually the second time it has happened.  The first time was about 6 months ago, still pregnant with peewee, I called my OB thinking it was pregnancy related. He said not to worry, but if it happened again to go to the E.R.  It didn't happen again- until Wednesday.

Source: Pinterest

I hate going to the doctor for nothing, but since the heart is kind of a big deal- I figured I better get it checked out. So yesterday I went to the Cardiologist. After describing my "episodes" the doctor was fairly certain that I have something called

Supraventricular Tachycardia.

In supraventricular tachycardia, the heart rate is sped up by an abnormal electrical impulse starting in the atria.
The heart beats so fast that the heart muscle cannot relax between contractions. When the chambers don't relax, they cannot contract strongly or fill with enough blood to satisfy the body's needs.

The Dr. explained to me that it is not life threatening, but she of course wanted to do some tests to rule out anything else that may be.  Sooo- I had an EKG, then the nurse hooked me up to a fancy little/not little heart monitor that I have to wear for 24 hrs.  It has 5 chords, all affixed to different spots on my chest, and one very large pager looking thing I that I've had hooked to my pants all day [cerca 1998, 143-637 haha].  

I then went down to the lab to have blood work done.  It was crowded, and I sat waiting for quite a while.

Not life threatening.  

I texted my husband. Somehow just typing those words brought a whole flood of emotions. I could feel the lump in my throat and my eyes fill with tears.  My mind was flooded with fearful thoughts...What if these tests show there is something else wrong with my heart? What if I have a serious condition. My Babies. Life is so fragile. So fleeting. What if I die. 

Randomly, I had grabbed my little journal to take with me.  This was the Lord, because I never take it anywhere.  It is for my morning quiet time to jot down notes, thoughts, prayers, and it is filled with some of my favorite verses.  I just sat and flipped through reading verse after verse.  I was struck by how many of them had the word heart in them.  I felt like I was given a little mini word-study right then and there in the middle of the LabCore waiting room. Others just gave me the peace and reassurance that I needed in that moment. It was a really precious few minutes.

Source: generalvalentine.com via Grace on Pinterest

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

Prov. 17:22

"Listen closely to my words, do not let them out of your sight. Keep them within your heart, for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body."

Prov. 4:20-22

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Eph. 2:10

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them that those who love your name  may rejoice in you. For surely O Lord you bless the righteous, you surround them with your favor, as with a shield"

Ps. 5:11-12 [My mom used to pray those verses to us every morning when we would be leaving for school. It is dear to my heart because of that!]

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Phil. 1:6

"But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."

Ps. 13:5

It went on and on. Verse after verse reminded me of God's great love for me, his peace that surpasses all understanding, and the joy that comes from rejoicing in Him and His salvation.

Fear and anxiety are from the enemy, peace and joy are from the Lord.  I really believe all these tests will come back fine [I still have to have an ecocardiogram next Friday] but in the meantime, it was a reminder of how fragile and brief our lives can be. We are not promised our health, we are not promised tomorrow, but we are promised salvation and abundant life in Him! 

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."

Deut. 6:5

liking up with Casey here

We walk by Faith

and not by sight. 

Sometimes when God wants you to move, you might hear His still small voice prompting you to act. Sometimes its a nudge you feel in your heart and sometimes He, just like a loving mama bird, pushes you right out of the nest with a strong, swift 

kick in the pants. 

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We just got pushed out of the nest. Hard and fast. 

God has given Sean an incredible idea that he has been working on and developing for several months now.  We are so excited about it.  I really feel like it is what God has been preparing Sean to do.  Doing the work of the Lord and advancing the Kingdom has always been the desire of his heart and this new venture will incorporate everything he has learned in his experience in financial services and will also enable him/us to be doing "Kingdom work."   BUT- we weren't planning on officially starting this new business just yet.  However God's timing isn't always exactly what we expect it to be. 

 His timing is always better than anything we could plan for ourselves.  

He is leading us and directing our path. My job contract ended on Tuesday.   Then Sean packed up his office and his last day at his job was yesterday.  So here we are unemployed [in Greenland], falling rather abruptly out of the nest. I suppose most people would be panicking in this situation: 2 babies, lots of bills [thank you student loans..ugh], and no jobs; and yet we are so confidant that the Lord is in this that we are excited.  

We walk by faith and not by sight. 

We TRUST.

We PRAY. 

and then..

We FLY! 

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I am so thankful for a loving God who knows all of our needs and who is always faithful to provide.  I cannot wait to tell you more about our new adventure as it unfolds.  And hopefully many of you will be able to be a part of it as well! 

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the 

flowers of the field 

grow. 

They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Matthew 6:26-33

linking up with Katie here

What I'm learning about Prayer: Finding my Voice

I have gone through different seasons in my prayer life. Some where praying was a joy, spending time listening and learning was a constant throughout the day; and other times when praying seemed like the last thing I wanted to do, or felt like I could do.  I was silent. My mind was not fixed on things above.  My heart was not moved upwards to the Lord. Even the very beat of my heart seemed silent.

My boys. I love them. These pics were from this outing.

I haven't been able to really pray out loud for a long time.  I know why. I know when it started. But I haven't been able to overcome it- yet.  I was working in a church {where I met Sean} and there were some things that happened, and I was hurt very deeply by some of the people ministering there.  I won't go into detail here because a) it is irrelevant to my point and b) I don't see the benefit of re-hashing those particular events.  Except to say that I know it was after that time that I lost my voice to pray out loud.  I was betrayed and hurt and all while "doing ministry" with these people, who ultimately were unloving, uncaring and at times- down right mean.  I left there totally jaded, hurt and disillusioned by these "church" people.   How could these "Christian" people, working at a church "serving the Lord" treat somebody this way?  I still loved the Lord and trusted Him, but the hurt from that time left wounds that I'm still working through.  Part of me shut down {the part that prayed out loud}. I don't really know why that part of my relationship with the Lord was affected the way that it was, but it just was.  I put up walls in my heart that stifled my voice.  I have made some progress, and praying with Jack has helped a lot- and for some reason is always easy.  I want my children to know I pray, to hear me pray and to learn to pray.  Sean is pray warrior.  I love listening to him pray. He prays with his heart listening to the Lord, and he prays with conviction, strength and with the power of the Holy Spirit.  I want to be able to pray with people, on the spot, out loud.  Instead of letting the fear reign, I want to allow the Holy Spirit to work and speak through me.  Eeek. Even just saying this makes me nervous. But it really is the desire of my heart.

I am still reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and I love the chapter on prayer.  Here are a few excerpts that are really speaking to me:

"In prayer, real prayer, we begin to think God's thoughts after him: to desire the things he desires, to love the things that he loves, to will the things that he wills" (Foster, 33).

Isn't this exactly what the Christian life should be? The finite human drawing ever closer to the infinite Creator, Redeemer, and Savior God; always seeking to better know the heart of God. Prayer is our avenue to the heart of God.  This will inevitably flow outward into the rest of our lives, if we are committed to it. Prayer will necessitate change, for we cannot draw nearer to perfection with out our own imperfections starring us in the face.  We will be moved.  We will be changed.  We will be progressively transformed to his likeness.

"The apostle Paul gladly announces that we are "co-laborers with God"; that is, we are working with God to determine the outcome of events (1 Cor. 3:9)" (Foster, 39).

Prayer not only changes us, but it can affect events and circumstances in your life and in the lives of those around you.  There is an amazing section on intercessory pray (praying for others) in this chapter.  I would have to type out the whole thing to really do it justice- it is just that good.  Let is suffice to say that God hears our prayers and God does change his mind according to his unfailing love (Jn. 3:10) so our prayers CAN affect change.  Prayer is a powerful tool that God has given us.

"We begin praying for other by first quieting our fleshly activities and listening to the silent thunder of the Lord of hosts. Attuning ourselves to divine breathings is spiritual work, but without it our praying is vain repetition (Matt. 6:7). Listening to the Lord is the first thing, the second thing, and the third thing necessary for successful intercession" (Foster, 39).

This reminds me of Ecclesiates 5:1-2 when it says, 

"Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools... do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." 

Drawing near to LISTEN. That is the first step in prayer.  In the margin next to this passage I had written a quote from John Bunyon, "In prayer it is better to have a heart without words, than words without a heart."  Listening to God gives our hearts the words that we should pray. 

"If we are still we will learn not only who God is, but how his power operates" (Foster, 39).

This past week I had to pray out loud. There was no choice. I had to pray- out loud- to hear the words myself, because I believed them, and I wanted God to know that I was pleading and believing.  And there was no time for fear or self-anything. I just had to PRAY. I saw God answer our prayers. I saw him MOVE. I saw him do a MIRACLE.  There are some things I won't share on this blog, but the truth is: there is POWER in PRAYER. I feel like my walls are starting to crumble. I'm finding my voice in prayer again. I'm finding in through silence.

My Verse of the Week this week is Col. 4:2

"Devote yourselves to prayer being watchful and thankful."

I am excited to delve deeper into the heart of God, learning to listen, to pray and to know the power of praying....out loud even.

linking up with Casey here

Deliverance

Have you ever been in a crisis.  

So scared you couldn't see straight. 

So shocked you could not speak. 

Crying out to God for Deliverance. 

Help. 

Deliverance. 

Help. 

God do not delay. 

Help. 

Claiming the blood of Jesus.

Mercy.

Deliverance.

Help. 

I was begging God to intervene. 

Never have I felt fear so thick, so heavy.

Psalm 77

 "I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands,
and I would not be comforted.

I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:

 “Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

 Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

 The waters saw you, God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
 The clouds poured down water,
the heavens resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked. 

 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.

 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron."

My God is Powerful. My God does Miracles. My God Delivers His People. 

Jehovah-Mephalti

The Lord is my Deliverer  

Psalm 18:1-2

"I love you, LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

Claiming this truth today.

A Word from the Mister: Reconciliation

I was re-reading this devotional that my husband wrote for Christmas (you don't mind a little Christmas in the Springtime right?) and it was such a good reminder of our purpose and God's love for us. Sean is so intelligent, spirit-filled, and such a constant encouragement to me, I thought it would be nice to share it here so it could also encourage others. I was happy he agreed to let me post it :-) He has such a deep love for the Lord, I am constantly learning from him and encouraged to seek the Lord even more. I'm so blessed to have him as my Mister :-) I'm hoping he will be a regular part of the Bradford Road Blog!

As we celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus by giving gifts to each other, we commemorate a tradition started by God the Father when He gave us the gift of His Son Jesus. His gift is the means through which we are reconciled to God. So let’s consider, what is the significance of reconciliation? Why does it matter that we are allowed back into the presence of God? 

Jesus said, “No one is good but One, that is, God” Luke 18:19. 

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The key to understanding why being in His presence is of such great importance lies in an understanding of what is good. Goodness is a relative concept. It has a spectrum much like temperature. We use descriptors such as hot and cold to explain our relative experience with energy but notably, there is no such thing as hot or cold. When we use these descriptors we are simply expressing to what degree energy is present or absent. In the same way, there is no such thing as good or evil. These simply describe the presence or absence of God. 

Just as water freezes when energy is absent and vaporizes when it is abundantly present, the degree to which God is present or absent in our lives has a direct effect on our condition. When He is absent, people will lie, cheat, steal, and do other deplorable things. They will be miserable, unfulfilled, and unsatisfied. This is a law of nature just as there is a law that makes water freeze at 32 degrees. Nothing will change that. Without God, we have nothing that is good.

But with God, our condition takes a different state. When He is present in our lives, goodness fills our hearts and satisfies our soul. Not only does it bless us but His goodness overflows from our lives into the lives of others, blessing them as well. This is why having reconciliation is of such infinite importance. With God, we can again have goodness. We can again have life. And not just life as measured by a pulse but life to the fullest. 

Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it MORE abundantly!” (John 10:10).

In this context one can understand the Psalmist who says, “In Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Ps. 16:11). And again, “For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere” (Ps. 84:10).

Therefore, to the degree that we seek to have goodness in our hearts and in the hearts of those around us, let us pursue the presence of the Lord. “He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” (Heb 11:6). This is a promise. If vapor is the most energized form of water, how blessed would we be if we were filled with the spiritual equivalent! 

So as we meditate on the tremendous gift of reconciliation, lets take inventory of the level of ‘goodness’ in our lives, thank the Lord for it, then pursue His presence all the more.

linking up with Casey here

the Royal Road

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"Why, then, do you fear to take up the Cross, which is the road to the Kingdom? In the Cross is salvation; in the cross is life; in the Cross is protection against our enemies; in the Cross is infusion of heavenly sweetness; in the Cross is strength of mind; in the Cross is joy of spirit; in the Cross is excellence of virtue, in the Cross is perfection of holiness. There is no salvation of soul, nor hope of eternal life, save in the Cross. Take up your Cross, therefore, and follow Jesus..."

-Thomas A'Kempis

"On the Royal Road of the Holy Cross"

                                                                                                    Imitation of Christ 

 The only reason that we have life is because of the Road that Jesus walked for our sakes. 

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Down the Vía Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
The Man condemned to die on Calvary

He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon His back
And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head
And He bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for His death

Down the Vía Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King,
But He chose to walk that road out ofI
His love for you and me.

Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

The blood that would cleanse the souls of all men
Made it's way through the heart of Jerusalem.

Down the Vía Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King
But He chose to walk that road out of His love for you and me
Down the Vía Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

Via Dolorosa by Sandi Patti

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Jesus CHOSE to walk that Road, to endure the horrific suffering, the brutal beatings, and ultimately a heinous death upon the Cross- for my sake, and for yours.  Today, remember what the Lord willingly endured so that we could have abundant life in Him; and how we must also take up our crosses.  Jesus said in Luke 9:23, 

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow me."

I want to be a faithful disciple of the One who laid down His life for me, a sinner. I want to be a lover of the Cross.  I want to daily deny myself and take up my cross, and walk down this Road with my Savior by my side. Thank your for the Cross Lord.

Born in a Nest to Die on a Tree

Where's Jacky

A couple of nights ago I was resting with Jacky at bedtime {in his big boy bed} and I asked him, "Who loves you?" This was not a strange question because it's one we often ask him, to which he replies enthusiastically, "Mommy loves Jacky!" {or Daddy- depending on who asked} On this occasion he didn't stop with "Mommy"- he kept going with the list of people who "love Jacky." He was going through his list- "Daddy loves Jacky, and Mimi loves Jacky, Claire loves Jacky, Jesus loves Jacky, Papa loves Jacky, Coco loves Jacky, Grandma and Grandpa love Jacky, Missy loves Jacky, Jon Jon loves Jacky, Nana and Grandpa love Jacky..."
 I couldn't believe he said,

Jesus loves Jacky

so I said, "Jesus does love Jacky!" and he just said, "Yes- Jesus in his nest loves Jacky" and continued his list of all the family members and friends that love Jacky. 

There were two things that really struck me about this little conversation with my little two year old boy: 

He knows Jesus.  He knows Jesus loves him.  Of course he is only 2 and he doesn't understand salvation or sin or the cross, or even how truly incomprehensible and incredible it is that we are loved by the Creator of the universe; but he knows Jesus loves him.  

That is why the Lord sent his only son to die for our sins, because of his LOVE for us, so that we could be reconciled to Him, and have abundant life {here and now- not just for eternity}.  To know His love is the greatest journey.  I want Jack to know His love. To walk with Him, to seek Him, and to know the peace, strength, power, forgiveness, and abundant life that is found in loving Him. 

He knows Jesus at the beginning of His story. Jack described Jesus as in his nest.  His picture of Jesus is the baby in the "nest" of straw in the manger.  Jack doesn't yet understand that the rest of Jesus' story, and His ultimate act of LOVE for him, was on a tree- when he died on the cross.  This sweet little boy is just at the very beginnings of his walk with the Lord, but I pray that as he grows, so will his love for our Savior Jesus, who  "loves Jacky" so dearly.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

the Lamp

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

Ps. 119:105

I have read this verse so many times, but somehow when you feel like your path is obstructed or invisible or just plain difficult, this promise has an illuminating power that brings peace.

Sometimes things happen in life that you will never understand. It is sort of a horrible feeling too.  We (or at least I) have this innate desire to explain, justify, define, and understand circumstances that make no sense to us.  Life is full of "what-ifs" and "what's-next" and "why's"- this road is not an easy one to navigate.  We live in a world of hurt and sorrow and sin.  None of us are exempt, none of us are immune.

When the path seems the darkest, His Word shines its peace, hope, promise,  TRUTH and salvation even brighter.     In my 40 days of Freedom, I have been memorizing a verse a week.  I have found that replacing my worried, muddled thoughts with God's promises and truth, breathes life into the soul.

Memorizing scripture is also a form of meditation.  In Celebration of Discipline, by Richard Foster, meditation is described as,

 "listening to God's word, reflecting on God's works, rehearsing God's deeds, and ruminating on God's laws."

When we are actively engaged in listening to and reflecting on God's word, our spirit is fed and energized to do the things God has for us to do.  Whether that is just loving our children by being more patient, or encouraging our husbands, or having faith that the Lord will direct our paths, or extending forgiveness to someone; those things become more natural because they spring from the nature and mind of God.

It creates the space for God to speak to us and for us to HEAR that still small voice.

My verse this week is Psalm 62:5-6

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my HOPE comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."

I believe the rest we find in the Lord is His peace that surpasses all understanding, so that our spirits are renewed and ready to act {as opposed to physical rest...although I need that as well!!}

Praying today that our paths will be illuminated by the Truth of God's word, no matter how dark or arduous {or even lovely}

the road might seem.  

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40 Days of Freedom

Confession: I have never given anything up for Lent before.  I love the idea of a constant reminder of what Jesus sacrificed so that I might be saved, but giving up chocolate or coffee or {fill in the blank} fell into the same category as New Year's resolutions;  people saying they are going (or not going) to do this or that, mostly just to say so.  But lately I have felt a divine tug on my heart for a fresh, renewed focus on what is really important in life.  This type of self-examination forces one to analyze the way they spend their time and for me, how it is effecting my relationships and my walk with the Lord.  Maybe it is because I have been profoundly moved by this new baby, and her "freshness" into the world. She is unencumbered by all of the "stuff" this world has to offer. She is lucky.  Even as I type this, she is sleeping on my legs and the sound of her soft breath is Peacefulness, personified.  

Her newness has inspired my renewal.

So my epiphany just happened to coincide with "Fat Tuesday" and I came up with the idea of have 40 days of Freedom in my life (although I certainly hope that by the end of the 40 days it will just be the new normal) where I can focus on my relationship with Jesus, with my husband and family, and spend time doing things that will help my spirit to thrive, rather than cause my mind to feel dull and my spirit void.  So here they are:

1. Renewing my mind. 

     I'm a reader, or at least I used to be. I could give you 110 reasons/excuses that I don't read anything {other than my Bible} anymore, but I'd rather just focus now on how I'm going to start again- somewhere familiar, an old friend of sorts: 

Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. 

2. Renewing my spirit.

    I'm going to memorize a verse a week {I know that sounds very 5th grade...which it is, because that is what I did with my 5th graders when I was teaching, but it is what it is for now} My first verse is even kind of a cheat since I posted it on my refrigerator a few months ago, and have read it every day, several times a day...but it's fitting for this period of my life, so it's first:

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."   Col. 3:15

3. Eliminate distractions and clutter

     My first step was saying a big fat goodbye to Facebook. Although I still think there are good things about it, Sean has never had one and I sort of think that's cool.  It is a distraction, so I'm over it. I'm also limiting the amount of T.V. I watch. {I can just hear Sean celebrating...we only have the first like 10 channels..if he had it his way we would not have cable at all, but sadly- I LOVE that Jack will watch his shows and I can work or clean ect. and lets be honest...I like watching the Bachelor. there I said it. oh well. no one is perfect}

      In recent days the "quaintness" of our 2 bedroom condo has become overwhelmingly obvious to me, causing me to have mini breakdowns on several occasions.  Two adults + two babies + all their toys/gear in very tight quarters = my squished mind grapes and one huge {seemingly endless} lesson in patience. Maybe I'm not getting the message? hmm. more on that another time. The point is, I am making a very concerted effort to keep our house as clean and neat as possible.  I know it won't be perfect, because I'm running on next to no sleep at all, while literally running around all day after Jack- amidst piles of laundry and the never-ending task of feeding and changing the new bundle. So I'm trying to stay realistic with my expectations.

So there it is. My first ever Lent-ish challenge to myself.  

What's in a Name

Naming a child seemed like such a daunting task. I mean, they are going to have it for life...so hopefully it's a good one. Some people are really into what the meaning of the name is. That really wasn't me.  I pretty much just picked names I liked, and hoped that Sean would agree. It's funny because when I was pregnant with Jack, we had "Jack" picked out for our boy name, but could not agree on a girl name. This time it was the opposite. We both loved Claire and just agreed on it immediately, while boy names {at least any we agreed on} alluded us. Thankfully- it worked out for us both times {forget the draino test and the Chinese calendar} haha!


Well today I started thinking about what "Claire" means. So for those of you who don't study baby name books/websites:


\C-lai-re\ pronounced "Clare" is of French origin meaning, "Clear, Bright" 

It was the middle of the night, I was awake and feeding my precious new baby, as I thought about those two words. Through blurry, tired, eyes I starred down at this perfect, tiny face and realized that her name is perfect. It really captures what I think she already is, and what I pray that she will grow to be. 

Claire {like her big brother} entered the world with the biggest, brightest eyes I have ever seen on a newborn baby. She was wide awake from the moment they pulled her from the safety of my womb, ready to see the world! She is already a shinning light in my life. I love holding her and watching her study my face. She is already a gift from God, and her new life is a precious reminder of our loving Heavenly Father who creates, lives, and BREATHES LIFE into his Creation. 

I started thinking about the word "clear" and some synonyms {with a little creative liberty}. 

Transparent, genuine, real, see-through, understandable, and simple. 

My prayer for both my children is simple. To love the Lord with all of their hearts, to seek Him and to serve Him, and to know the power of His Grace, the reality of his Love and to live abundantly in His presence. 

So what does that have to do with "Clear"? I think these are characteristics that these "synonyms" spring from a life in Christ. When we are transparent, genuine, and real the Spirit is free to move and work, in and through you. 

I pray that she will grow into the kind of person that when people look at her, they see Jesus; the BRIGHT, redeeming light of JESUS.