What I'm learning about Prayer: Finding my Voice

I have gone through different seasons in my prayer life. Some where praying was a joy, spending time listening and learning was a constant throughout the day; and other times when praying seemed like the last thing I wanted to do, or felt like I could do.  I was silent. My mind was not fixed on things above.  My heart was not moved upwards to the Lord. Even the very beat of my heart seemed silent.

My boys. I love them. These pics were from this outing.

I haven't been able to really pray out loud for a long time.  I know why. I know when it started. But I haven't been able to overcome it- yet.  I was working in a church {where I met Sean} and there were some things that happened, and I was hurt very deeply by some of the people ministering there.  I won't go into detail here because a) it is irrelevant to my point and b) I don't see the benefit of re-hashing those particular events.  Except to say that I know it was after that time that I lost my voice to pray out loud.  I was betrayed and hurt and all while "doing ministry" with these people, who ultimately were unloving, uncaring and at times- down right mean.  I left there totally jaded, hurt and disillusioned by these "church" people.   How could these "Christian" people, working at a church "serving the Lord" treat somebody this way?  I still loved the Lord and trusted Him, but the hurt from that time left wounds that I'm still working through.  Part of me shut down {the part that prayed out loud}. I don't really know why that part of my relationship with the Lord was affected the way that it was, but it just was.  I put up walls in my heart that stifled my voice.  I have made some progress, and praying with Jack has helped a lot- and for some reason is always easy.  I want my children to know I pray, to hear me pray and to learn to pray.  Sean is pray warrior.  I love listening to him pray. He prays with his heart listening to the Lord, and he prays with conviction, strength and with the power of the Holy Spirit.  I want to be able to pray with people, on the spot, out loud.  Instead of letting the fear reign, I want to allow the Holy Spirit to work and speak through me.  Eeek. Even just saying this makes me nervous. But it really is the desire of my heart.

I am still reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and I love the chapter on prayer.  Here are a few excerpts that are really speaking to me:

"In prayer, real prayer, we begin to think God's thoughts after him: to desire the things he desires, to love the things that he loves, to will the things that he wills" (Foster, 33).

Isn't this exactly what the Christian life should be? The finite human drawing ever closer to the infinite Creator, Redeemer, and Savior God; always seeking to better know the heart of God. Prayer is our avenue to the heart of God.  This will inevitably flow outward into the rest of our lives, if we are committed to it. Prayer will necessitate change, for we cannot draw nearer to perfection with out our own imperfections starring us in the face.  We will be moved.  We will be changed.  We will be progressively transformed to his likeness.

"The apostle Paul gladly announces that we are "co-laborers with God"; that is, we are working with God to determine the outcome of events (1 Cor. 3:9)" (Foster, 39).

Prayer not only changes us, but it can affect events and circumstances in your life and in the lives of those around you.  There is an amazing section on intercessory pray (praying for others) in this chapter.  I would have to type out the whole thing to really do it justice- it is just that good.  Let is suffice to say that God hears our prayers and God does change his mind according to his unfailing love (Jn. 3:10) so our prayers CAN affect change.  Prayer is a powerful tool that God has given us.

"We begin praying for other by first quieting our fleshly activities and listening to the silent thunder of the Lord of hosts. Attuning ourselves to divine breathings is spiritual work, but without it our praying is vain repetition (Matt. 6:7). Listening to the Lord is the first thing, the second thing, and the third thing necessary for successful intercession" (Foster, 39).

This reminds me of Ecclesiates 5:1-2 when it says, 

"Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools... do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." 

Drawing near to LISTEN. That is the first step in prayer.  In the margin next to this passage I had written a quote from John Bunyon, "In prayer it is better to have a heart without words, than words without a heart."  Listening to God gives our hearts the words that we should pray. 

"If we are still we will learn not only who God is, but how his power operates" (Foster, 39).

This past week I had to pray out loud. There was no choice. I had to pray- out loud- to hear the words myself, because I believed them, and I wanted God to know that I was pleading and believing.  And there was no time for fear or self-anything. I just had to PRAY. I saw God answer our prayers. I saw him MOVE. I saw him do a MIRACLE.  There are some things I won't share on this blog, but the truth is: there is POWER in PRAYER. I feel like my walls are starting to crumble. I'm finding my voice in prayer again. I'm finding in through silence.

My Verse of the Week this week is Col. 4:2

"Devote yourselves to prayer being watchful and thankful."

I am excited to delve deeper into the heart of God, learning to listen, to pray and to know the power of praying....out loud even.

linking up with Casey here

What's in a Name

Naming a child seemed like such a daunting task. I mean, they are going to have it for life...so hopefully it's a good one. Some people are really into what the meaning of the name is. That really wasn't me.  I pretty much just picked names I liked, and hoped that Sean would agree. It's funny because when I was pregnant with Jack, we had "Jack" picked out for our boy name, but could not agree on a girl name. This time it was the opposite. We both loved Claire and just agreed on it immediately, while boy names {at least any we agreed on} alluded us. Thankfully- it worked out for us both times {forget the draino test and the Chinese calendar} haha!


Well today I started thinking about what "Claire" means. So for those of you who don't study baby name books/websites:


\C-lai-re\ pronounced "Clare" is of French origin meaning, "Clear, Bright" 

It was the middle of the night, I was awake and feeding my precious new baby, as I thought about those two words. Through blurry, tired, eyes I starred down at this perfect, tiny face and realized that her name is perfect. It really captures what I think she already is, and what I pray that she will grow to be. 

Claire {like her big brother} entered the world with the biggest, brightest eyes I have ever seen on a newborn baby. She was wide awake from the moment they pulled her from the safety of my womb, ready to see the world! She is already a shinning light in my life. I love holding her and watching her study my face. She is already a gift from God, and her new life is a precious reminder of our loving Heavenly Father who creates, lives, and BREATHES LIFE into his Creation. 

I started thinking about the word "clear" and some synonyms {with a little creative liberty}. 

Transparent, genuine, real, see-through, understandable, and simple. 

My prayer for both my children is simple. To love the Lord with all of their hearts, to seek Him and to serve Him, and to know the power of His Grace, the reality of his Love and to live abundantly in His presence. 

So what does that have to do with "Clear"? I think these are characteristics that these "synonyms" spring from a life in Christ. When we are transparent, genuine, and real the Spirit is free to move and work, in and through you. 

I pray that she will grow into the kind of person that when people look at her, they see Jesus; the BRIGHT, redeeming light of JESUS.