the Lamp

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

Ps. 119:105

I have read this verse so many times, but somehow when you feel like your path is obstructed or invisible or just plain difficult, this promise has an illuminating power that brings peace.

Sometimes things happen in life that you will never understand. It is sort of a horrible feeling too.  We (or at least I) have this innate desire to explain, justify, define, and understand circumstances that make no sense to us.  Life is full of "what-ifs" and "what's-next" and "why's"- this road is not an easy one to navigate.  We live in a world of hurt and sorrow and sin.  None of us are exempt, none of us are immune.

When the path seems the darkest, His Word shines its peace, hope, promise,  TRUTH and salvation even brighter.     In my 40 days of Freedom, I have been memorizing a verse a week.  I have found that replacing my worried, muddled thoughts with God's promises and truth, breathes life into the soul.

Memorizing scripture is also a form of meditation.  In Celebration of Discipline, by Richard Foster, meditation is described as,

 "listening to God's word, reflecting on God's works, rehearsing God's deeds, and ruminating on God's laws."

When we are actively engaged in listening to and reflecting on God's word, our spirit is fed and energized to do the things God has for us to do.  Whether that is just loving our children by being more patient, or encouraging our husbands, or having faith that the Lord will direct our paths, or extending forgiveness to someone; those things become more natural because they spring from the nature and mind of God.

It creates the space for God to speak to us and for us to HEAR that still small voice.

My verse this week is Psalm 62:5-6

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my HOPE comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."

I believe the rest we find in the Lord is His peace that surpasses all understanding, so that our spirits are renewed and ready to act {as opposed to physical rest...although I need that as well!!}

Praying today that our paths will be illuminated by the Truth of God's word, no matter how dark or arduous {or even lovely}

the road might seem.  

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the New Normal or "Surviving Baby Haze"

I had high hopes for my 40 days challenge to myself.  Well week 1 is done and I wouldn't say it was a total failure, but not a total success either. I'm finding that between feeding Tiny, chasing the Toddler, working, and attempting to keep some semblance of sanity in my household- I'm not finding tons of "me time" or "free time" to sit and read like I'd wanted to.  These days I'm excited if I actually make dinner; and lately my bedtime has been that of a two year old: 8 pm. Typically I function pretty well at night. I log hours for my work, or could hypothetically read, ect. but the baby haze takes over and I pretty much just turn into a pumpkin.  As soon as Curious George has been read to Jack, and the baby is fed and changed, I'm ready to conk out too.

My Tiny

The good news is that Claire is approaching 1 month already {What!} and I am getting a good 5 hour stretch (most nights) from about 10pm-3am, which is great! This is my "new normal" and it is slowly, slowly starting to feel just that: normal.  I ventured out into the world with 2 kids for the first time this week, and Trader Joe's never seemed so stressful {which- if you ever shop there- you'll understand the gravity of that statement because the crowds combined with the narrow aisles, often leave me feeling rather jangled}

My Toddler

I did memorize my verse {yay!} and yes my husband actually quizzed me. Col. 3:15 is now safely hidden away in my heart ;-) Now onto the new Verse(s) of the Week: 


Ps. 68:19

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." 

This one is short but poignant.  I will meditate on this one over and over again throughout the day. Thank you Lord for bearing our burdens- some are far too heavy to ever bear without Him. 


This week I'm hoping to make more time to read! I'm also looking forward to Friday...not just because it's the weekend but because it's Sean's birthday! Love him. 

40 Days of Freedom

Confession: I have never given anything up for Lent before.  I love the idea of a constant reminder of what Jesus sacrificed so that I might be saved, but giving up chocolate or coffee or {fill in the blank} fell into the same category as New Year's resolutions;  people saying they are going (or not going) to do this or that, mostly just to say so.  But lately I have felt a divine tug on my heart for a fresh, renewed focus on what is really important in life.  This type of self-examination forces one to analyze the way they spend their time and for me, how it is effecting my relationships and my walk with the Lord.  Maybe it is because I have been profoundly moved by this new baby, and her "freshness" into the world. She is unencumbered by all of the "stuff" this world has to offer. She is lucky.  Even as I type this, she is sleeping on my legs and the sound of her soft breath is Peacefulness, personified.  

Her newness has inspired my renewal.

So my epiphany just happened to coincide with "Fat Tuesday" and I came up with the idea of have 40 days of Freedom in my life (although I certainly hope that by the end of the 40 days it will just be the new normal) where I can focus on my relationship with Jesus, with my husband and family, and spend time doing things that will help my spirit to thrive, rather than cause my mind to feel dull and my spirit void.  So here they are:

1. Renewing my mind. 

     I'm a reader, or at least I used to be. I could give you 110 reasons/excuses that I don't read anything {other than my Bible} anymore, but I'd rather just focus now on how I'm going to start again- somewhere familiar, an old friend of sorts: 

Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. 

2. Renewing my spirit.

    I'm going to memorize a verse a week {I know that sounds very 5th grade...which it is, because that is what I did with my 5th graders when I was teaching, but it is what it is for now} My first verse is even kind of a cheat since I posted it on my refrigerator a few months ago, and have read it every day, several times a day...but it's fitting for this period of my life, so it's first:

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."   Col. 3:15

3. Eliminate distractions and clutter

     My first step was saying a big fat goodbye to Facebook. Although I still think there are good things about it, Sean has never had one and I sort of think that's cool.  It is a distraction, so I'm over it. I'm also limiting the amount of T.V. I watch. {I can just hear Sean celebrating...we only have the first like 10 channels..if he had it his way we would not have cable at all, but sadly- I LOVE that Jack will watch his shows and I can work or clean ect. and lets be honest...I like watching the Bachelor. there I said it. oh well. no one is perfect}

      In recent days the "quaintness" of our 2 bedroom condo has become overwhelmingly obvious to me, causing me to have mini breakdowns on several occasions.  Two adults + two babies + all their toys/gear in very tight quarters = my squished mind grapes and one huge {seemingly endless} lesson in patience. Maybe I'm not getting the message? hmm. more on that another time. The point is, I am making a very concerted effort to keep our house as clean and neat as possible.  I know it won't be perfect, because I'm running on next to no sleep at all, while literally running around all day after Jack- amidst piles of laundry and the never-ending task of feeding and changing the new bundle. So I'm trying to stay realistic with my expectations.

So there it is. My first ever Lent-ish challenge to myself.